The Hidden Cost of \"Doing It All\"

Some of the links on this website are affiliate links. This means that if you click on a link and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission — at no additional cost to you.

I only recommend products, tools, or services that I personally use, trust, or believe will bring genuine value to my readers. My goal is always to provide helpful, honest information, and any commission helps support the time and effort I put into creating free content and resources.

Your support by using these links is greatly appreciated!

The soft alarm goes off before the sun rises, and as soon as your feet hit the floor it’s go, go, go.

Breakfast started. Kids out the door. Yourself ready for work. The day moves like a well-practiced routine because you’ve become the one who keeps it all turning.

You sit down for five minutes—just long enough to catch your breath—and there it is again:

“You should be doing something.”

That whisper feels almost automatic now.

But if you’ve ever wondered why stillness feels so uncomfortable… you’re not alone.

In fact, I talked about this in an earlier post, Why You’re Tired of Hustling But Still Afraid to Slow Down. This one goes deeper—into the why behind that fear, and what it looks like to finally loosen the grip of performance pressure.

You’ve Been Conditioned to See Stillness as Failure

If you live in the West especially in the U.S. you’ve been taught that you must earn your worth through productivity. Every moment. Every hour. Every season.

And women?
We’re handed an even heavier script.

The women I see day after day online, in their careers, in the school pickup line are doing what can only be described as superhuman work. Balancing homes, kids, careers, guilt, expectations… all while pretending it’s normal.

No wonder slowing down feels threatening.

You’ve been conditioned to believe that if you pause, everything might fall apart.

But here’s the truth you were never taught:

You don’t need to perform to deserve rest. You don’t have to “earn” your ease. Your worth is not tied to how much you can carry.

You can build a life that includes softness and success. You can be grounded and ambitious.
And you can let yourself rest without apologizing for it.

systeme.io

You’re Not Lazy — You’re Tired of Performing

Before you ever stepped into adulthood, before motherhood, before entrepreneurship… you were being shaped.

Not intentionally. Not maliciously.

Just quietly, consistently, formatively.

Growing up, the world rewarded you for being the “good” one.

Maybe your teachers used gold stars and perfect scores.
Maybe your family praised you for being responsible and mature “for your age.”
Maybe you learned that your value came from pleasing, performing, and holding everything together.

On the surface, it looks harmless even positive.

Of course we want to encourage good behavior. Of course it feels good to be praised.

But here’s the part no one talks about:

When love, attention, or approval are tied to achievement, a child learns to earn their worth.

You learn to measure your value by how much you do. You learn to tie identity to output. And when praise doesn’t come even if you gave your all the disappointment sinks deep.

That’s where perfectionism is born. Not because you wanted to be flawless, but because somewhere along the way you learned:

“If I’m not perfect, I’m not enough.”

And I’m going to let you in on a truth that most adults are still unlearning:

Perfection is an illusion. It doesn’t exist. It never has.

Join Creators just like you!

Get my best strategies delivered straight to your inbox - no fluff, just what works.

If This Feels Familiar…

I’m creating a brand-new container for women who are done carrying the weight of “perform or fail.” A space to release the pressure, heal the wound of “I must earn my worth,” and remember that they are already enough even when they rest.

More details soon.

But for now… breathe.
You’re doing far more than you realize.
And you are absolutely allowed to want a softer, more sustainable way forward.

How Childhood Conditioning Follows Us Into Adulthood

Those early patterns don’t just disappear. They grow with you.

Suddenly, it’s not gold stars anymore it’s promotions, productivity, reputation, results.

And in motherhood? The stakes feel even higher. You’re expected to be calm, patient, organized, ambitious, nurturing, successful… all at once. With zero room for being human.

And if you grew up equating approval with safety, your adult brain still chases that same feeling:

“If I get it right, I’ll be okay.”
“If I don’t mess up, everything will stay stable.”
“If I keep performing, I’ll stay worthy.”

I remember seasons where perfectionism had me frozen.

Not because I didn’t want to move but because I was terrified of choosing the “wrong” thing.
I’d wait for the perfect answer, the perfect timing, the perfect clarity… and do nothing instead.

That feeling of being stuck?

It wasn’t laziness.
It was fear of the unknown.

The truth is:

The only way out of perfectionism is through imperfect action.

It will feel uncomfortable. Your nervous system will panic a little. Your brain will tell you to wait, prepare, get it together, try again, do more research.

But the cure is movement small, messy, human moments. Not because action makes you worthy, but because action teaches your brain a new truth:

“I can move even when it's not perfect.”

Performance Became Your Survival Strategy

This is the part most women never realize:

You didn’t choose perfectionism. You didn’t choose overachieving. You didn’t choose the constant pressure to keep it together.

Your brain chose it for you as a survival strategy.

When approval meant safety, belonging, or peace in your childhood… Your brain protected you the best way it knew how:

Perform. Please. Perfect. Repeat.
Stay in line. Stay responsible. Stay strong. Stay agreeable.
Stay useful enough to never be rejected.

And that wiring doesn’t magically disappear when you grow up.

So when you try to rest now? When you try to slow down? When you try to do less?

Your brain sounds the alarm.

“We’ve never done it this way.” “This feels risky.” “Do more just in case.”

It’s not trying to sabotage you. It’s trying to keep you safe. But it’s using outdated instructions.

To break that cycle, you have to teach your brain a new language:

“I am safe to slow down.” “I am safe even when I’m not perfect.” “I am safe without overperforming.”

This is the rewiring work. And it is profound.

You're safe exactly where you are, it is okay to try something new.

And once you understand that…
Everything begins to click into place.

If there’s one thing I want you to walk away with, it’s this: you don’t have to keep performing your way through life. You don’t have to earn your worth. And you definitely don’t have to burn yourself out to create the freedom you crave.

Unapologetically Aligned helps high-achieving women and moms heal perfectionism, rebuild self-trust, and create results that actually feel good in business, motherhood, and daily life.

This isn’t about hustling harder or trying to “fix” yourself. It’s about slowing down, getting aligned, and finally building systems that protect your peace instead of draining it.

And if reading this stirred something in you… just wait. There’s a whole new way of operating one that feels softer, saner, and so much more you and we’re just getting started.

The next step? You’ll want to be here for it. Make sure to join my email list so you don't miss it.

Join the Passive Income Creators Circle

Get weekly tips, tools, and community support to turn your content into cash — even while you sleep.

Hi, I’m Olivia — digital creator, passive income strategist, and mom navigating the beautiful chaos of motherhood.

hello@herglowandgrow.com

Quick links